Saturday, October 9, 2010

long time no see people.

doing  coke

sorry for not posting lately guys. i have been busy hanging out with my ex. i tried to place distance between us by telling her off like i always wanted to and kicked her out of my house. It usually works for about 2 or 3 months but this time she called back within a days time. She asked if i still wanted to hang and I thought it was a joke. I was certain she wanted to get closer to me to deliver some sort of humiliating retaliation for kicking her ass to the curb, and for that shit i said. Ultimately she hasn't yet and has spent the night several nights in a row already. things are looking good but she still doesnt want me as a boyfriend yet. i think its because she really wants me to get a job before she commits to me i cant believe it, all i need to do is just off my ass and get a job and i'll have a GF but i still probably wont do it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Already over.


 Well, it looks like things with my ex have boiled over and have come to an abrupt end. I ended up kicking her ass to the curb after she said some things that I considered unforgivable. She was being a bitch and kept trying to make me act like her BF without actually being her BF. Then when she is sober she tries her hardest to make it look like she doesnt care about me. When she is drunk she starts talking about marriage, our future etc. complete 180. Not sure if i will see her again though. I tried my hardest to say the harshest things i could keep her away. For some reason we always fight and then two months later she calls wanting to hook up again. She assured me she wont do that again, even though she has done it for the last couple of years, as well as assured me time and time again she wouldnt call. I dunno. I feel sad, but it feels good to be doing the ass-curb-kicking for a change. usually i end up clinging to the girl pathetically until she dumps me. i feel like an asshole but being nice hasn't gotten me anywhere. and i know more than anyone she doesnt deserve any better. I'll get over it in a week or two. like always. But its no big deal, really i shouldn't be complaining. One of my best friends is in the process of having a divorce and he has a kid with the broad on top of that. He tells me i'm lucky i have no ties that bind me to her and he is right. I probably saved some face as well. I have no cash, but was giving her the impression I at least had some spending money so i dont come across as a loser in that regard. I was getting worried about how long i was going to be able to keep up that facade.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

chair dog dog chair

she's wearing my clothes
                    Well guys, my ex called me on Monday. Of course I knew deep down I couldn't turn down her request as best as I tried. I answered my phone and replied that I was smoking out; she asked if I needed company, to which I responded "Sure." I have this adverse reaction to hearing her voice though, I get chills throughout my body. I start trembling and shivering as if I was outside in my boxers in the middle of winter. She wanted me to talk as I drove, but couldn't still my hands from shaking nervously. Decided to buy some beer which turned out to be a good idea, since I found it steadied my resolve better than the cigarettes did. We had good conversation along the way and started drinking, smoking and playing with my puppies when we got back to my place. Felt like old times. I started to kiss her gently on her lips and was met with no resistance, no weird feeling, it felt natural for a change. But I know she is a liar. I know she is deceptive. I know she doesn't deserve my trust, I know it would be easier if I just didn't deal with her, but I miss feeling validated for a change. Later we had sex and I dropped her off. My only regret is I was being a little bitch when she didn't want to give it up at first. She was pissed that I dropped her off later than I said I would, but that bitch has no right to complain about something so trivial after all she has put me through. Now I guess the best thing to do is hang back and wait for her to call me. Don't get me wrong though. I plan on getting even at some point. When, I'll have to figure that out as I go along.

She liked making home movies, but she was also strangely comfortable making them.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Before Oreo there was Peppers.

My late dog Peppers. She was the smartest dog I've ever had. She would spend her days looking for an open window or an unattended door to sneak inside the house. We had to put chicken wire on our windows for a bit because she got into the habit of breaking in the house by smashing a window. She even followed an ex-gf of mine home who lived down the block and broke her window and chilled out on her couch while she was at work. She was obsessed with being an indoor dog, so when we moved her outside she freaked the fuck out. When it was rainy with thunder or fireworks would go off she would claw at the door till her nails were filed down to bloody flesh.

On that note of ex-gfs though. I need some advice from you guys. One of my ex-gfs says shes coming to visit me. She stabbed me in the back, went to live with some other guy. Basically scrambled me emotionally, but that was 4 years ago. Here's the dilemma. Should I just keep her as a booty call or tell her to fuck off? I feel like i want to say fuck off, but at the same time, what am I going to do that night if i tell her that? Stay home alone, game and look at porn?